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The Math Lesson

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The Math Lesson is a song from the Nightmare Ned video game. It is heard when Ned enters the chalkboard in the School nightmare.

Lyrics

Good morning...now open your math book to page 999, please.
Let's look at the first problem.

Train A is carrying 200 people going 80 miles an hour halfway down a 92-mile track.
Train B is carrying 200 ducks and doing 40 plus one mile an hour every time they hear one quack.
Now simply take the differential of the numerator of the quotient of the people on Train A, divide it by 9,
And multiply it by the integer of the remainder when dividing by the rate that B accelerates, assuming ducks will quack an average 1800 times a week and have a standard deviation of the rate of Train A!

All right, now let's try one a little more...challenging.

Madeline has 87 pomegranates and her cousin Riley has a $20 bill and 18 dimes!
How many pomegranates can he purchase even though they are not for sale, which she has told him over 18 times?
If every pomegranate is a quarter, then he has enough for all of them. Like anybody ever needs that much fruit.
But even if she factors in the interest and depreciation of the amortized devalued aggregate, the answer still will come to zero, 'cuz remember that we told you that the stupid pomegranates aren't even for sale!!!

[sigh] You should have gotten that one; I am disappointed.

Now we have a nice surprise for you—it is a short POP quiz. (Yay!)
Get a piece of paper out and put your calculator aWAY!
Write your name and then the date!
Number the page from one to 1908.
Show your work and don't be slow.
Ready, set, and here we go.

One! 82 and 94. Too late! Wrong! Next!
Two! 108 and 49! Too late! Wrong! Next!
Three! 29 and 98! Wrong—next!
85 and 98! Wrong—next!
8 and 98! Wrong—next!
99 and 8! Wrong—next!
44 and 8! Wrong!
65 and 12! Wrong!
33 and 18! Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong!

You're hopeless! I guess we have to start from the very beginning...

Two and 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 and 2 and 84 and 723 divided by 15!
Plus 37 minus 52 plus 8 plus 87,000 times the market price of kerosene!
Now add a hundred round it up by 10 divide by 44, then put it in a 9x13 pan and cook until brown!
Then add a million minus 2 plus 40, turn those sixes upside down!
Subtract a forty-third and dial 9!
Divide by 2 and a fourth percent!
Then make a right on 82nd,
Add a half,
Pick any card,
Divide it all by 99,
Divide again by 7/8 of 46,
Put happy faces in the zeroes,
Cross out everything you wrote,
And if you still don't have the answer, simply go ahead and bunt...
And get the runner to score!

Strike three—you're out!

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