Joel Messerschmit is a teacher at H.G Wells High School. He is always a bit of a cruel teacher, always talking in metaphors to the students and others as well. He also has a twin sister, Bettina, that has a remarkable mustache just like her brother, as well as his little nephew, Nathan, who also has a mustache. He is the proud creator of the Omacron Gambit which is a extremely hard test, so hard, in fact, that it was banned in 17 school districts and, for some reason, Chile. For example he gave the test to an eleventh grader, Stacy Pimkins, and to Phil's surprise, she is now an elderly woman after taking all that time on it. He once took a Carrier Aptitude Test when in high school, and it stated he would be a Teacher/Guidence Counlcler/Flamenco Instructor. His parents were acrobats too. He is played by Joel Brooks.