You see Valentine's is torture, and my birthday is a mess,
New Year's is a lot of noise, and Arbor Day's a pest!
Halloween's a horror but I guess I must confess
That I really don't hate Christmas!
You see Flag Day is infernal, April Fool's is just a bore,
Mardi Gras is a waste, unless you own a candy store,
All these other holidays I can admit that I abhor,
But I really don't hate Christmas.
Now, it isn't that I like it, at the most I feel ambivalence,
But should I really just destroy it? I'll admit that I'm still on the fence,
It makes me tense!
From the evil scientists' community I'm sure to get ejected,
But for Christmas I can't seem to summon any true invective,
Because what is there to hate? I mean, it's really so subjective.
No, I really don't hate Christmas.
I hate puppy dogs and kittens, I hate flowers in the spring,
Heck, I even hate the sunshine and the birdies when they sing,
I can work up animosity for almost anything.
Tell me why I don't hate Christmas.
Though my childhood was atrocious, Christmas never was that bad, you see,
So the most that I can muster is complete and total apathy.
What's wrong with me?
How can I prove that I'm an evil villain worth his salt
When with a holiday so jolly I can't even find a fault?
If I didn't feel ambiguous I'd launch a big assault.
But I really don't hate Christmas.
Oh, what the heck. Kickline!
No, I really...
No, I really don't hate Christmas!
I have an intense BURNING indifference!
Notes
The song is similar to Charmed Life, My Goody Two-Shoes Brother, and Impress My Professor, Doofenshmirtz even makes a reference to them when he says "Oh, what the heck. Kickline!" because most of these songs have kick lines at the end.
When it shows a picture of him and his family, it shows Doofenshmirtz wearing a dress. It must be when he had to wear dresses ("Gaming the System")
This song's dancers are similar to the Radio City Rockettes.
Doofenshmirtz says that his birthday is a mess. ("Raging Bully")
This song is voted number 9 for the "Funny Christmas Song Countdown".[1]
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