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I Really Don't Hate Christmas

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"I Really Don't Hate Christmas" is a song sung by Heinz Doofenshmirtz in Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation!, about how he hates the other holidays, but he can't bring himself to hate Christmas.

Lyrics

You see Valentine's is torture, and my birthday is a mess,
New Year's is a lot of noise, and Arbor Day's a pest!
Halloween's a horror but I guess I must confess
That I really don't hate Christmas!

You see Flag Day is infernal, April Fool's is just a bore,
Mardi Gras is a waste, unless you own a candy store,
All these other holidays I can admit that I abhor,
But I really don't hate Christmas.

Now, it isn't that I like it, at the most I feel ambivalence,
But should I really just destroy it? I'll admit that I'm still on the fence,
It makes me tense!

From the evil scientists' community I'm sure to get ejected,
But for Christmas I can't seem to summon any true invective,
Because what is there to hate? I mean, it's really so subjective.
No, I really don't hate Christmas.

I hate puppy dogs and kittens, I hate flowers in the spring,
Heck, I even hate the sunshine and the birdies when they sing,
I can work up animosity for almost anything.
Tell me why I don't hate Christmas.

Though my childhood was atrocious, Christmas never was that bad, you see,
So the most that I can muster is complete and total apathy.
What's wrong with me?

How can I prove that I'm an evil villain worth his salt
When with a holiday so jolly I can't even find a fault?
If I didn't feel ambiguous I'd launch a big assault.
But I really don't hate Christmas.

Oh, what the heck. Kickline!

No, I really...
No, I really don't hate Christmas!

I have an intense BURNING indifference!

Notes

  • The song is similar to Charmed Life, My Goody Two-Shoes Brother, and Impress My Professor, Doofenshmirtz even makes a reference to them when he says "Oh, what the heck. Kickline!" because most of these songs have kick lines at the end.
  • When it shows a picture of him and his family, it shows Doofenshmirtz wearing a dress. It must be when he had to wear dresses ("Gaming the System")
  • This song's dancers are similar to the Radio City Rockettes.
  • Doofenshmirtz says that his birthday is a mess. ("Raging Bully")
  • This song is voted number 9 for the "Funny Christmas Song Countdown".[1]

References

  1. Dr. Doofenshmirtz's "I Really Don't Hate Christmas," : Funny Christmas Song Countdown #9
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Media
Animated Productions: Phineas and FerbVideographyTake Two with Phineas and FerbPhineas and Ferb The Movie: Across the 2nd DimensionFeature film

Video Games: Phineas and FerbPhineas and Ferb Ride AgainDisney Channel All Star PartyPhineas and Ferb: Across the 2nd DimensionAgent P Strikes BackPhineas and Ferb: Quest for Cool StuffWhere's My Perry?Disney INFINITY (2.0) (3.0) • Phineas and Ferb: Day of Doofenshmirtz
Albums: Phineas and FerbPhineas and Ferb Holiday FavoritesPhineas and Ferb: Across the 1st and 2nd DimensionsPhineas and Ferb: Star Wars soundtrack

Disney Parks
Agent P's World Showcase Adventure

Entertainment: Phineas and Ferb's Rockin' Rollin' Dance Party
Firework: Celebrate the Magic

Characters
Major Characters: Phineas FlynnFerb FletcherCandace FlynnPerryMajor Francis MonogramHeinz DoofenshmirtzLinda FlynnLawrence Fletcher

Secondary Characters: Isabella Garcia-ShapiroBaljeet TjinderBuford Van StommJeremy JohnsonCarl KarlStacy HiranoGinger HiranoMillyKatieHollyAdyson SweetwaterGretchen
Recurring characters: Giant Floating Baby HeadDjango BrownColtraneCharlene DoofenshmirtzVanessa DoofenshmirtzRoger DoofenshmirtzVivian Garcia-ShapiroIrvingJenny BrownSuzy JohnsonDannyBobbi FabulousShermanMeapMitchNormClyde FlynnBetty Jo FlynnPinkyAlbertPeterKlimpaloonTalking ZebraMonty MonogramHildegard JohnsonReginald FletcherWinifred FletcherAloyse von Roddenstein
Minor Characters: JerryKhaka Peu PeuThe RegurgitatorBob WebberPrincess BaldegundeMelissaUnnamed Fireside GirlsAgent EBrobotsDrill SergeantBuck BuckersonTiana WebberJack JohnsonMrs. JohnsonWendyEliza FletcherNicoletteMandyThaddeus and ThorMindyAmandaLucy FletcherAdrian FletcherBeppo BrownDr. HiranoAnnabelle JohnsonSaraBrigitte, Josette, and ColletteMishti PatelLiam McCrackenRodrigoMorgGlenda WilkinsDr. GevaarlijkHeinz Doofenshmirtz's motherBlanca DishonProfessor PoofenplotzLyla LolliberryBalloony • Corn Colossus
Guest Characters: Santa ClausKim Possible PinocchioBaby BaboonThor OdinsonSpider-ManHulkIron ManRed SkullNick FuryVenomWhiplashMODOK

Episodes
Season One: "Rollercoaster" • "Candace Loses Her Head" • "The Fast and the Phineas" • "Lawn Gnome Beach Party of Terror" • "The Magnificent Few" • "S'Winter" • "Are You My Mummy?" • "Flop Starz" • "Raging Bully" • "Lights, Candace, Action!" • "Get That Bigfoot Outta My Face!" • "Tree to Get Ready" • "It's About Time!" • "Jerk De Soleil" • "Toy to the World" • "One Good Scare Ought to Do It!" • "A Hard Day's Knight" • "I, Brobot" • "Mom's Birthday" • "Journey to the Center of Candace" • "Run Away Runway" • "I Scream, You Scream" • "It's a Mud, Mud, Mud, Mud World" • "The Ballad of Badbeard" • "Dude, We're Getting the Band Back Together" • "Ready for the Bettys" • "The Flying Fishmonger" • "Phineas and Ferb Get Busted!" • "Greece Lightning" • "Leave the Busting to Us!" • "Crack That Whip" • "The Best Lazy Day Ever" • "Boyfriend From 27,000 B.C." • "Voyage to the Bottom of Buford" • "Put That Putter Away" • "Does This Duckbill Make Me Look Fat?" • "Traffic Cam Caper" • "Bowl-R-Ama Drama" • "The Monster of Phineas-n-Ferbenstein" • "Oil on Candace" • "Unfair Science Fair" • "Unfair Science Fair Redux (Another Story)" • "Out to Launch" • "Got Game?" • "Comet Kermillian" • "Out of Toon" • "Hail Doofania!"

Season Two: "The Lake Nose Monster" • "Interview With a Platypus" • "Tip of the Day" • "Attack of the 50 Foot Sister" • "Backyard Aquarium" • "Day of the Living Gelatin" • "Elementary My Dear Stacy" • "Don't Even Blink" • "Chez Platypus" • "Perry Lays an Egg" • "Gaming the System" • "The Chronicles of Meap" • "Thaddeus and Thor" • "De Plane! De Plane!" • "Let's Take a Quiz" • "At the Car Wash" • "Oh, There You Are, Perry" • "Swiss Family Phineas" • "Hide and Seek" • "That Sinking Feeling" • "The Baljeatles" • "Vanessassary Roughness" • "No More Bunny Business" • "Spa Day" • "Phineas and Ferb's Quantum Boogaloo" • "Phineas and Ferb Musical Cliptastic Countdown" • "Bubble Boys" • "Isabella and the Temple of Sap" • "Cheer Up Candace" • "Fireside Girl Jamboree" • "The Bully Code" • "Finding Mary McGuffin" • "Picture This" • "Nerdy Dancin'" • "What Do It Do?" • "Atlantis" • "Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation!" • "Just Passing Through" • "Candace's Big Day" • "I Was a Middle Aged Robot" • "Suddenly Suzy" • "Undercover Carl" • "Hip Hip Parade" • "Invasion of the Ferb Snatchers" • "Ain't No Kiddie Ride" • "Not Phineas and Ferb" • "Phineas and Ferb-Busters!" • "The Lizard Whisperer" • "Robot Rodeo" • "The Beak" • "She's the Mayor" • "The Lemonade Stand" • "Phineas and Ferb Hawaiian Vacation" • "Summer Belongs to You!" • "Nerds of a Feather" • "Wizard of Odd" • "We Call it Maze" • "Ladies and Gentlemen, Meet Max Modem!" • "The Secret of Success" • "The Doof Side of the Moon" • "Split Personality" • "Brain Drain" • "Rollercoaster: The Musical!" • "Make Play" • "Candace Gets Busted"
Season Three: "The Great Indoors" • "Canderemy" • "Run, Candace, Run" • "Last Train to Bustville" • "Phineas' Birthday Clip-O-Rama!" • "The Belly of the Beast" • "Moon Farm" • "Ask a Foolish Question" • "Misperceived Monotreme" • "Candace Disconnected" • "Magic Carpet Ride" • "Bad Hair Day" • "Meatloaf Surprise" • "Phineas and Ferb Interrupted" • "A Real Boy" • "Mommy Can You Hear Me?" • "Road Trip" • "Tour de Ferb" • "Skiddley Whiffers" • "My Fair Goalie" • "Bullseye!" • "That's the Spirit" • "The Curse of Candace" • "Escape from Phineas Tower" • "Lotsa Latkes" • "Ferb Latin" • "A Phineas and Ferb Family Christmas" • "Tri-Stone Area" • "Doof Dynasty" • "Excaliferb" • "Phineas and Ferb and the Temple of Juatchadoon" • "Monster from the Id" • "Gi-Ants" • "The Remains of the Platypus" • "Mom's in the House" • "Perry the Actorpus" • "Let's Bounce" • "Bully Bromance Break Up" • "Quietest Day Ever" • "Doonkleberry Imperative" • "Meapless in Seattle" • "Delivery of Destiny" • "Buford Confidential" • "The Mom Attractor" • "Cranius Maximus" • "Agent Doof" • "Minor Monogram" • "What a Croc!" • "Sleepwalk Surprise" • "Sci-Fi Pie Fly" • "Sipping with the Enemy" • "Tri-State Treasure: Boot of Secrets" • "Doofapus" • "Norm Unleashed" • "Where's Perry?" • "Ferb TV" • "When Worlds Collide" • "What'd I Miss?" • "Road to Danville" • "This is Your Backstory" • "Blackout!"
Season Four: "For Your Ice Only " • "Happy New Year!" • "Fly On the Wall" • "Bully Bust" • "My Sweet Ride" • "Der Kinderlumper" • "Sidetracked" • "Primal Perry" • "Mind Share" • "Backyard Hodge Podge" • "Bee Day" • "Bee Story" • "Great Balls of Water" • "Where's Pinky?" • "Phineas and Ferb Musical Cliptastic Countdown Hosted by Kelly Osbourne" • "Knot My Problem" • "Just Desserts" • "La Candace-Cabra" • "Happy Birthday, Isabella" • "Love at First Byte" • "One Good Turn" • "Mission Marvel" • "Thanks But No Thanks" • "Troy Story" • "Druselsteinoween" • "Terrifying Tri-State Trilogy of Terror" • "Face Your Fear" • "Cheers for Fears" • "Steampunx" • "Just Our Luck" • "Return Policy" • "Live and Let Drive" • "Phineas and Ferb Save Summer" • "Father's Day" • "Imperfect Storm" • "The Return of the Rogue Rabbit" • "It's No Picnic" • "The Klimpaloon Ultimatum" • "Operation Crumb Cake" • "Mandace" • "Phineas and Ferb: Star Wars" • "Lost in Danville" • "The Inator Method" • "Night of the Living Pharmacists" • "Tales from the Resistance: Back to the 2nd Dimension" • "Doof 101" • "Act Your Age" • "Last Day of Summer" • "O.W.C.A. Files"

Locations
Locations at or near Danville: DanvilleMr. Slushy FranchiseDoofenshmirtz Evil IncorporatedFlynn-Fletcher HouseAtlantisGoogolplex MallOld Abandoned Amusement Park

Other Locations: AfricaEnglandNew YorkBig BenMarsTokyoLondonChinaIndiaCanadaChileHawaii

Selected Songs
Today is Gonna Be a Great DaySummer Belongs to YouCity of LoveJump Right InLet it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it SnowPerry the Platypus ThemeGitchee Gitchee GooWhere Did We Go Wrong?BustedLittle BrothersWhat'cha Doin?Carpe DiemS.I.M.P. (Squirrels In My Pants)I'm MeRollercoasterThe Ballad of KlimpaloonEvil for Extra CreditBackyard BeachHappy New YearGreat to Be a BabySerious FunCurtain Call/Time Spent Together