I Really Don't Hate Christmas

"I Really Don't Hate Christmas" is a song sung by Heinz Doofenshmirtz in Phineas and Ferb Christmas Vacation!, about how he hates the other holidays, but he can't bring himself to hate Christmas.

Lyrics

You see Valentine's is torture, and my birthday is a mess,
New Year's is a lot of noise, and Arbor Day's a pest!
Halloween's a horror but I guess I must confess
That I really don't hate Christmas!

You see Flag Day is infernal, April Fool's is just a bore,
Mardi Gras is a waste, unless you own a candy store,
All these other holidays I can admit that I abhor,
But I really don't hate Christmas.

Now, it isn't that I like it, at the most I feel ambivalence,
But should I really just destroy it? I'll admit that I'm still on the fence,
It makes me tense!

From the evil scientists' community I'm sure to get ejected,
But for Christmas I can't seem to summon any true invective,
Because what is there to hate? I mean, it's really so subjective.
No, I really don't hate Christmas.

I hate puppy dogs and kittens, I hate flowers in the spring,
Heck, I even hate the sunshine and the birdies when they sing,
I can work up animosity for almost anything.
Tell me why I don't hate Christmas.

Though my childhood was atrocious, Christmas never was that bad, you see,
So the most that I can muster is complete and total apathy.
What's wrong with me?

How can I prove that I'm an evil villain worth his salt
When with a holiday so jolly I can't even find a fault?
If I didn't feel ambiguous I'd launch a big assault.
But I really don't hate Christmas.

Oh, what the heck. Kickline!

No, I really...
No, I really don't hate Christmas!

I have an intense BURNING indifference!

Notes

• The song is similar to Charmed Life, My Goody Two-Shoes Brother, and Impress My Professor, Doofenshmirtz even makes a reference to them when he says "Oh, what the heck. Kickline!" because most of these songs have kick lines at the end.
• When it shows a picture of him and his family, it shows Doofenshmirtz wearing a dress. It must be when he had to wear dresses ("Gaming the System")
• This song's dancers are similar to the Radio City Rockettes.
• Doofenshmirtz says that his birthday is a mess. ("Raging Bully")
• This song is voted number 9 for the "Funny Christmas Song Countdown".^[1]

References

1. ↑ Dr. Doofenshmirtz's "I Really Don't Hate Christmas," : Funny Christmas Song Countdown #9

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