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Girlfriend is the first part of the 3rd episode of Dave the Barbarian. It features the first appearance of Princess Irmaplotz of Hyrogoth, a half-evil magical princess, and Dave's first girlfriend.


Dave begins dating Princess Irmaplotz, but breaks up with her when he learns that she is evil. Irmaplotz is upset about the breakup and sends an army of filthy pixies to attack Udrogoth.


The story begins with Dave sprinting to the bookstore to pick up a book called "The Complete Works of Pedxing", considered to be the worst poetry ever written. After the store owner proclaims how awful the book is (stating it caused him to go blind, made his left arm numb, and caused the loss of his legs), he then says he sold the last copy. Dave soon finds the owner - Princess Irmaplotz of Hyrogoth, who Dave takes an instant liking to. After soon realizing they both share several interest, they both fall in love and begin a relationship.

However, when Dave tells his family about the funny things Irmaplotz says about "conquering the world", and "evil triumphing over good", they begin to suspect that she is an evil princess, to which Dave accuses them of being shallow.

Meanwhile, at her castle, Irmaplotz goes to tell her mother, Queen Zonthara, Empress of Evil, about her date with Dave. Zonthara tells her that she must tell Dave that she is evil, as if Dave truly loves her, he'll accept her, and if not, she can always make his head explode.

Dave then appears on his unicycle, and Zonthara shoots him through the floor with her magic. She then leaves, to allow Irmaplotz to tell Dave that she is evil (but half-good on her father's side). In order to save their relationship, they both promise to try each other's way of living. Dave tries to be a little bit evil, by taking two samples of nutlog when the sign says take one. However, the guilt causes him to buy ten thousand boxes. Meanwhile, Irmaplotz tries to be a little bit good by returning a library book on time, but the book has the final page torn out. Dave then realizes that, due to the worry of being hooked on evil, the relationship cannot last and breaks up with Irmaplotz. The princess does not take this well, and vows revenge.

Back at the castle, it turns out that Uncle Ozwidge has eaten all the nutlogs. He then says that he is glad that the breakup went well, as the last princess he broke up with sent a plague of filthy pixies to attack the kingdom. Just then, Irmaplotz appears through a magic portal, and sends a plague of filthy pixies to attack the kingdom. The pixies are indestructible - hitting them causes them to multiply.

As the heroes try to find a way to stop the pixies, Ozwidge spies Irmaplotz using the Pedxing book to force the pixies to continue. Dave then uses a "homemade" megaphone (using only string, a squirrel and a megaphone), and starts reciting poetry so awful, that the pixies flee in terror. As Irmaplotz appears to view the damage, she is shocked to see them fly past her into the portal at the sound of Dave's poetry. She commends Dave, as she cannot remember hearing such awful poetry in her life. When Dave tells her that he made it up himself, she says that someone who writes poetry that bad cannot be all good. When Dave asks if she means in a nice way, she leaves in anger, but leaves Dave the Pedxing book to remember her by - however, the last page is torn out.


  • Dinky-Danky Darlin

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