The version of the song featured on the soundtrack notably includes a small scene where LeFou tries to spell Gaston's name. This scene was cut from the film's version, however.
LeFou: Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why!
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly!
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!
LeFou and Chorus: No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
LeFou: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
LeFou and Chorus: My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LeFou: Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips!
Chorus: No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
Bimbettes: For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston: As you see, I've got biceps to spare
LeFou: Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny.
Gaston: That's right!
And every last inch of me's covered with hair!
Chorus: No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou: In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston: I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptoooie!
Chorus: Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston: When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Chorus: No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
LeFou: Then goes tromping around
Wearing boots like Gaston!
Gaston: I use antlers in all of my decorating!
[Heard only in the soundtrack version]
Say it again!
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's that hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town
Who's got all of it down...
LeFou: And his name's G-A-S... T...
G-A-S-T-O... ohh, ow...
[Heard only in the film version]
Chorus: My what a guy!
Gaston: LeFou, I'm afraid I've been thinking
LeFou: A dangerous pastime
Gaston: I know,
But that wacky old coot is Belle's father
And his sanity's only so-so
Now the wheels in my head have been turning
Since I looked at that loony old man
See, I promised myself I'd be married to Belle
And right now I'm evolving a plan!
If I... *wispering*
Gaston: Then we... *whispering*
LeFou: No, would she?
Gaston: *whispering* Guess!
LeFou: Now I get it!
Gaston and LeFou: Let's go!
No one plots like Gaston
Gaston: Takes cheap shots like Gaston
LeFou: Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston!
Chorus : So his marriage we soon will be celebrating
My what a guy
- The song was originally supposed to have different lyrics. However, the test lyrics proved to be so popular during development that they were used in the final version.
- The third issue of the Marvel Comics serial for Beauty and the Beast's ending had Gaston and LeFou engaging in similar dialogue to the beginning of the Gaston song.
- In the reprise, the final verses in the film version imply that the entire village (exempting possibly the Bimbettes) knew and agreed with Gaston's plans of blackmail.
- The Broadway version, however, omits this implication by having everyone leave the tavern before Gaston and LeFou start plotting. Consequentially, this resulted in LeFou and Gaston actually singing the final verses in the musical, which had previously been reserved for the chorus in the film. In addition, the comic adaptation also cuts out the song entirely and implies that, besides LeFou and the warden, no one actually knew about the plot.