Gaston is a song sung by Gaston, LeFou, Gaston's buddies, and the villagers in Beauty and the Beast. The song was sung to cheer up Gaston after Belle rejects his marriage proposal. The song is most famous for the phrase "No one (verb)s like Gaston". The phrase would become an Internet meme, even appearing as a catchphrase for Gaston in House of Mouse.
The version of the song featured on the soundtrack notably includes a small scene where LeFou tries to spell Gaston's name. This scene was cut from the version of the song that is featured in the film itself.
LeFou: Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're everyone's favorite guy
Everyone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why!
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly!
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on!
LeFou and Chorus: No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
LeFou: No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
LeFou and Chorus: My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!" Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LeFou: Gaston is the best and the rest is all drips!
Chorus: No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
Bimbettes: For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston: As you see, I've got biceps to spare
LeFou: Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny.
Gaston: That's right!
And every last inch of me's covered with hair!
Chorus: No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou: In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston: I'm especially good at expectorating! Ptoooie!
Chorus: Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston: When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Chorus: No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
LeFou: Then goes tromping around
Wearing boots like Gaston!
Gaston: I use antlers in all of my decorating!
[Heard only in the soundtrack version]
Say it again!
Who's a man among men?
And then say it once more
Who's that hero next door?
Who's a super success?
Don't you know? Can't you guess?
Ask his fans and his five hangers-on
There's just one guy in town
Who's got all of it down...
LeFou: And his name's G-A-S... T...
G-A-S-T-O... ohh, ow...
[Heard only in the film version]
Chorus: My what a guy!
LeFou I'm afraid I've been thinking
A dangerous pastime...
But that wacky old coot is Belle's father
And his sanity's only so-so.
Now the wheels in my head have been turning
Since I looked at that loony old man
See, I promised myself I'd be married to Belle
And right now I'm evolving a plan!
If I... (whispers)
Then we... (whispers)
No, would she?
Now I get it!
No one plots like Gaston
Takes cheap shots like Gaston
Plans to persecute harmless crackpots like Gaston!
Gaston, LeFou, and Chorus:
So his marriage we soon will be celebrating
My what a guy