- “This better be worth a quarter.”
- ―Buford Van Stomm
"Ain't No Kiddie Ride" is an episode of Phineas and Ferb.
Phineas and Ferb decide to trick out the kiddie rides in front of the Tri-State Mart. Determined to bust them, Candace sits in a rocket ride so it can't go anywhere until Linda shows up. Needless to say, the ride shoots off and Candace ends up on a high-flying rocket across Danville. Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz plans to leave behind a legacy by burning his name into the atmosphere using his "Ozone Deplete-Inator."
Linda arrives with her children at the mall. Candace rushes in to purchase some high-gloss lipstick, while Phineas and Ferb pick out some back-to-school clothes, which are identical versions of the clothes they're already wearing. Linda gives them a pile of quarters so that they can play at the arcade, and heads off to find Candace.
As the boys walk off with their money, they spot a line of coin-operated kiddie rides, one of which is a red rocket that Phineas particularly loved when he was younger. He reminisces about him and Ferb flying around outer space on the rides, though his memories are a bit over-romanticized. He wants to make the rides live up to his memories, although a conveniently-timed repairman tells them to enjoy the rides while they can, because they're going to be trashed later.
Perry enters his lair through the arcade, where Baljeet and Buford can be seen playing Dance Dance Revolution, and receives his mission. Monogram feels disgusting, because he doesn't have any deodorant. Carl tells him he can't smell a thing because he was born without nostrils, which highly intrigues Monogram.
Dr. Doofenshmirtz walks to the diner near his home, but he can't pick up his sandwich order - whole wheat on rye - because the waitress keeps mispronouncing his name. He leaves angrily, vowing to make them remember his name. To that end, he bought up all the cans of aerosol deodorant, bug repellent, and hairspray in the Tri-State Area so that he could burn his name into the ozone layer.
Back at the mall, Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet join the boys as they unveil their souped-up kiddie rides. Buford, the self-proclaimed judge of the 'coolness' of the ride, hops into the red rocket, inserts a quarter, and shoots off into the atmosphere. As he touches back down to Earth, Candace comes rushing up to the group in anger. She sits in the red rocket ride, so that the evidence of the boys' activity would stay until their mother comes by. Buford slyly flips in a quarter in an effort to have a little fun at Candace's expense. She is then sent flying down the street. The kids then hop into an assortment of kiddie rides, which have also been tricked out by Phineas and Ferb, and fly after her as the song "Ain't No Kiddie Ride (song)" plays. As Candace flies through a barn, Baljeet's ride stops running, since his ride time had expired. He then spends the rest of the episode trying to get the machine to accept a dollar bill by smoothing it out.
When Candace reaches Danville Canyon, the rocket stops flying since her ride time has expired. She plummets to the bottom of the canyon, screaming that she hasn't got any money to re-fuel the ride. Ferb does a quick robot dance to get a quarter from some tourists. He then promptly shoots it into the rocket's coin acceptor, thereby saving Candace from crashing at the last possible second.
Meanwhile, Doofenshmirtz tries to crush Perry with a giant robotic hand, although he should be launching his aerosol-themed scheme. Candace ends up destroying the robotic hand with her red rocket. Perry takes the fallen arm and smacks Doofenshmirtz with it, knocking him into the aerosol cans and then into his slicked-up pitfall trap.
Finally, Isabella catches the rocket with a lasso, and the kids all return to the mall. Just then, the repairman comes back and hauls off the souped-up rides, replacing them with new rides that are identical to their predecessors. Candace comes back with her mom, though her busting plot is once again foiled as she rocks on the slow-moving kiddie ride. Baljeet finally gets his kiddie ride to accept the dollar bill by having it ironed, but both the ride and the ironing board shoot off down the street, causing him to become thoroughly frustrated.
- Ain't No Kiddie Ride (song)
- Phinedroids and Ferbots (instrumental, when Candace is falling into the canyon)
A replay of Ain't No Kiddie Ride (song).
The "Too Young" Line
Linda: Aren't you a little old for kiddie rides?
Candace: No, no I'm not. Check it out.
Phineas: All done.
Isabella: Hey, Phineas. What'cha doin'?
Perry's entrance to his lair
Perry drives a racing video game into his lair.
Doofenshmirtz walks to the diner!
Linda: I want you to pick up some nice back-to-school clothes. they walk into the store and come right back out
Wow. That was fast.
Phineas: (Referring to kiddie ride) You know in retrospect I may have over-romanticized those memories. But I'll bet, with a little effort and some unstable uranium isotopes, we can make them that much fun!
Major Monogram: I don't smell too bad, do I?
Carl: I can't smell a thing.
Major Monogram: Dr. Doofenshmirtz has been buying up every can of aerosol deodorant in the Tri-State Area, and I'm starting to smell like a science-fiction convention.
Doofenshmirtz: I just called in a to-go order for Doofenshmirtz.
Diner Worker: Hey Vic! You got an order for Doofieberg?
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus, how predictable. And by 'predictable', I mean completely ... um ... dictable, I guess.
Doofenshmirtz: I need a little drink of water after a tirade like that.
Candace: Ah, GlossTacular lipstick. Now I can blow up a bounce house and my lips would still be shiny!
Phineas: Isabella, we need you to get us an aerial view!
Isabella: Sure, Phineas! (soars upward) Whee!
Baljeet: Oh, my friends. I seem to have run out of fuel.
Phineas: No, you're not, Baljeet. Just put in another quarter!
Doofenshmirtz: Ah, water. It's like drinking wet air.
Isabella: Wow! She just flew through a barn and her lips are still shiny!
Doofenshmirtz: ... but I've got you now! (Candace flies through, destroying his mechanical hand) Wow. Nostradamus was right.
(1st Version) Doofenshmirtz: Oh nice ... nice one. Catch the villain in his own trap. That's not ironic Perry the platypus, it's ... it's cliché, that's what it is. It's just plain lazy on your part.
(2nd Version) Doofenshmirtz: Ow! You know, I don't come to your house and--Wait, these don't have any chlorofluorocarbons in them at all. These aerosol cans are completely harmless! Wh-what was I thinking?!
Phineas: Well, that was fun. Maybe tomorrow we can soup up our old bikes.
- Candace is actually in Doofenshmirtz's lair for a couple of seconds.
- This episode reveals that Carl was born without nostrils (which is ironic, due to his voice being rather nasally).
- The street performer from S.I.M.P. (Squirrels In My Pants) can be seen as Candace is launched from the rocket.
- The arcade game in this episode is one of Perry's secret entrances that could have been easily accessed by anyone, because anyone could've placed a quarter (or a special coin, possibly given in the counter) and entered his lair by accident.
- A new location is revealed: Danville Canyon.
- Superduper Mega Superstore makes an appearance. ("Vanessassary Roughness")
- The robot in Phineas's flashback resembles a robot that appeared in "One Good Scare Ought to Do It!"
- The dryer repair man from "Out of Toon" makes a reappearance, only with a different voice.
- Phinedroids and Ferbots can be heard when Ferb is dancing.
- When Ferb activates Candace's rocket, the time traveling music from "Phineas and Ferb's Quantum Boogaloo" is heard in the background.
- When Ferb is dancing, he is wearing the detective makeup from "Finding Mary McGuffin".
- Second time Doofenshmirtz uses a mechanical hand ("The Chronicles of Meap").
- Sixth time Ferb does not talk.
- The man that was in the World's Pointless Records with a pig, makes his third appearance ("Toy to the World" and "Bowl-R-Ama Drama").
- This episode airs in Australia under the name "The Ride at Tri-State Mart".
- Since at least May 2011, this episode has aired with Doofenshmirtz's line "Oh nice ... nice one. Catch the villain in his own trap. That's not ironic Perry the platypus, it's ... it's cliché, that's what it is. It's just plain lazy on your part. CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!" replaced with "Ow! You know, I don't come to your house and -- Wait, these don't have any chlorofluorocarbons in them at all. These aerosol cans are completely harmless! Wh-what was I thinking?! CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS!" due to a complaint Disney received from the Consumer Aerosol Products Council.
- June 4, 2010 (Disney XD Spain)
- July 11, 2010 (Disney Channel Spain)
- September 17, 2010 (Disney Channel UK)
- November 26, 2010 (Disney Channel Scandinavia)
- May 4, 2011 (Disney XD Scandinavia)
- When Phineas and Ferb come out of the store, and Phineas says "Well, we do have that signature look," on the word "Well" his hair jumps out of the head.
- When Buford puts the quarter in the kiddie ride, he doesn't push the red button but the kiddie ride launches anyway.
- When Buford flies into space, he appears to have departed from the Indian Ocean, near Africa. He should have been shown flying from North America.
- Had his plan gone through, Doofenshmirtz's name would actually be spelled backwards.
- Buford is able to breathe in space without a spacesuit.
- At the end of this episode, Perry appears next to Phineas, Ferb, Isabella and Buford. When they see the kiddie rides getting replaced with the new ones, Perry was gone.
- At the end of the episode, when Phineas, Ferb, Isabella, and Buford are leaving, Phineas says "That's what you said about the kiddie rides." to Buford, but his mouth is not moving when he says it.
- As he's departing, Doofenshmirtz asks to get his "whole wheat on rye". Since no other ingredients are listed, it sounds like he had ordered a bread sandwich (with however many slices of whole wheat sandwiched between rye bread).
- When Phineas says "Although Perry's mixing it up a bit," the space between his legs is white.
- When the kids are chasing Candace in kiddie rides and they need more quarters, they yell to Phineas, but Phineas responds with a Walkie Talkie. Baljeet doesn't have a Walkie Talkie, nor does Candace.
- In Doofenshmirtz's explanation, he wants to remove the ozone to spell his name. But when it shows the image on the ground the area around the letters is on fire instead of the area inside the letters which had the ozone removed from it.
- When Doofenshmirtz drinks the water, the bottle cap on the water is on.
- This is the third episode to mention summer ending. ("Rollercoaster", "I, Brobot")
- Fifth time Isabella is seen interested in horses/unicorns ("The Magnificent Few", "Out of Toon", "Hail Doofania!", "Isabella and the Temple of Sap")
- Doofenshmirtz mentions that his brother is the mayor. ("Tree to Get Ready", "Hail Doofania!", "Just Passing Through")
- Buford and Baljeet can be seen playing a Dance Dance Revolution-style game.
- Nostradamus, the famous astrologer predicting the future, is mentioned twice in the episode.
- Indiana Jones - When Perry is being chased by Doofenshmirtz with his Giant Mechanical Hand, Perry throws his hat over the hand, slides under and then catches it on the other side.
- Vincent Martella as Phineas
- Ashley Tisdale as Candace
- Thomas Sangster as Ferb
- Alyson Stoner as Isabella
- Caroline Rhea as Mom, Additional Voices
- Dan Povenmire as Dr. Doofenshmirtz
- Jeff "Swampy" Marsh as Major Monogram, Additional Voices
- Dee Bradley Baker as Perry, Additional Voices
- Bobby Gaylor as Buford
- Maulik Pancholy as Baljeet
- Additional voices: Carlos Alazraqui, Romi Rames, Tara Strong, James Patrick Stuart
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